COMMANDMENTS OF DATING.

THOU SHALT TAKE IT SLOW

INTRODUCTION
Take it slow and get to know the person you want to marry before you buy the ring or before you practice how his last name sounds with your last name. Negligence of these laws has resulted in many divorce cases.
It is said that couples who had dated for more than two years scored consistently high on marital satisfaction.
The risk of marital failure diminishes significantly with longer dating periods.
TAKE IT SLOW, GET TO KNOW.

3 REASONS WHY IT IS SMART TO TAKE IT SLOW
1)     YOU DO NOT GET TO KNOW A PERSON IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.
The exciting moments in your dating relationship lasts for 6 months. At that time you believe the girl/guy is flawless. When it lifts, you would begin to notice the flaws. The question should then be can I cope with these flaws? When your answer is yes; then you should start dealing with it while you are dating. When you get married and the problem crops up, you can handle it maturely because somehow you have gotten used to it.
It’s better to deal with so much junk while dating before you get married.
People are known with time. Most people having problems in their marriage now are saying that they never really knew their partners before they got married.
I know God has told you this is the one you are to marry; I also know you have never felt this way about anyone else, and because you always talk on phone you think you know everything that should be known about this person. Trust me; you still need to take it slow.
Fraud stars, alcoholics, liars, chronic debtors, workaholics, fornicators, abusive persons and gamblers are not usually discovered at first sight. Their true nature is revealed with time. We all know that the safest way to make money is to invest it over a long period of time. So also, it is safe to invest time to know that person you want to end up with in life.

2)     YOU NEED TIME TO GO THROUGH THE NECESSARY STAGES OF BONDING:

There 4 stages of bonding.

• Scouting stage: You are testing the waters to see if you like this person. When you get married, you will discover that you did not really get married to beauty/money but to a person.
• Infatuation stage: Where you are madly in love with the person and absolutely blind to his/her faults (3-9months duration).
• Reality bite stage: Where you are shocked to discover the flaws in your partner.
• Decision stage: this is where you decide whether to marry or dump.

3)     YOU PROTECT YOURSELF FROM GETTING ATTACHED TOO QUICKLY.
When you get too attached quickly, it becomes very difficult to come out of the relationship easily without getting hurt. You always become the victim of the relationship having invested so much in it within the shortest time.
Romantic love junkies end up as casualties in relationships. Who are romantic love junkies? People that spend so much time together on the first date (spending 8 hours together on the first date). They are obsessed with seeing their new found love every single day and they are always on phone talking with each other.

SLOW-MOTION DATING STRATEGIES

• Make the two year commitment. When you believe you have found the right person, you allow for at least two years from your first date to your wedding date. Speed kills on the Highways; speed also kills on the lovers’ lane. 2 years to wait is nothing, compared to 30years of marital crisis.
• Make your first date short and casual. Give yourself a curfew if that date is in the evening. Limit the number of times you see that person in a week. Don’t be possessive. It makes you more attractive the moment you show up.
• Don’t volunteer too much information up front. When you do that, it’s like verbally vomiting on that person. Be the mystery man/lady at this stage. Always full of smiles and understanding.
• Discourage physical affection. Things change when physical affection is brought into a dating relation. Once physical affection swings in, communication shuts down. Don't shut down communication, for that is the life of your relationship. Dating time is discovery time. Once physical affection swings in, the time you would have spent to know each other through communication is now spent exploring parts of your body. Expectation increases demands. You find yourself going from hug to bear hug, from pecking to kissing and exploring parts of your body. Then, regrets and betrayals begin. The cycle has never changed. When you discourage physical affection, you can even tell whether your partner is fun to hang around with through his healthy, intelligent, purpose driven and jovial discussions.

Grow into a mature friendship. It makes ending the relationship more difficult. You rarely break up with true friends. Girls, a piece of advice for you..." Guys like CAR." Using acronyms for the word CAR, I want you never to forget this. Guys love CAR...Guys love Challenge, Attraction & Respect.

      C = Challenge: he sleeps with you on the first day, and then you are no longer in the hunt.
      A = Attraction: a combination of your character and your looks. He is amazed that he can still find a lady of worth and beauty combined with moral power in a world void of it. Men are looking to settle down with a best friend that will be faithful to them and not merely a pretty face.
      R = Respect: men would always go for a woman they can respect. When you give them sex before marriage, you lose their respect.

• Don’t mention the “M” word before the relationship has had a chance to mature.

See you again on the next edition. make your comments.

Talk soon!